Chuck Sambuchino, How Top Survive A Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike
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For those of you who don't know, a gnome is a mythical creature characterized by its extremely small size and subterranean lifestyle. Reports abound of people claiming to have seen real living gnomes.
Garden gnomes are small ceramic bearded characters, predominately male, that are used as decoration in gardens and lawns. The first garden gnomes were made in Germany in the mid 19th century. They quickly spread across Europe, although they remained popular in Germany, who still has an estimated 25 million garden gnomes.
According to folklore, garden gnomes were willing to help in the garden at night. When no one is around, the folklore suggests the garden gnomes awaken from their ceramic state and work on the garden and lawns in which they reside. In these stories they are said to touch plant life with their magic- causing flowers to bloom, leaves to change color and streams to saturate the soil surrounding the plants.
Because of the forced labor these creatures are forced to endure, several garden gnome liberation organizations have been formed, for the express purpose of freeing the ceramic creatures from the atrocities of their daily lives. Inanimate gnomes have been captured, sold, kept as slaves, ripped from their original woodland homes, stripped of their freedoms, and forced to tend to the gardens where they are set.
One of the most famous of these garden gnome liberation organizations is Le Front Pour la Liberation des Nains de Jardin, introduced to the French public in 1997, whose goal is to free the gnomes from a life of miserable solitude. Their forays into the public were mostly low-key, although in 1998 they orchested the incident known as the 'mass suicide". In Briey, a small town in Eastern France, residents woke to find 11 garden gnomes hanging from a bridge with nooses around their necks. A note nearby stated, "When you read these few words, we will no longer be part of your selfish world, where we serve merely as pretty decorations."
In Italy, a group has formed calling themselves MALAG (Movimento Autonomo per la Liberazione delle Anime da Giardino), an Italian branch of the Garden Gnome Liberation Front. Their goal was to establish a European Garden Gnome Sanctuary in Barga, Italy. The Barga News has also published photographs of garden gnomes now living inside the European Gnome Sanctuary.
Warning : the images below are graphic.
Three horrific images of some of the abuse that gnomes have suffered throughout the world. Just look at pain on the face of the first one and the stoic set of the eyes in photo number two. This is why more and more gnomes are travelling to Barga every day...to escape this kind of brutality.
What can be said about the last photo? What sort of person could DO this to a gnome? And yet, he still manages to smile! What incredible inner force shines out from that face.
All three are now recovering from their horrendous experiences at the hands of humans at the European Gnome Sanctuary, with the exception of the legless one, who has fully recovered and is now working at an undisclosed gas station.
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