Monday, May 21, 2012

Gardening Without Tan Lines

Michael Aitken

In Winter, when the trees are bare,
We mortals don our winter wear.
In Spring, when trees begin to dress,
We mortals then start wearing less,
Until, for some, with Summer's heat
The role reversal is complete.



It's 3:15 pm here on the West Coast and 96F outside, with the winds starting to pick up. Nearly every day we are blessed with the breezes that come up and cool everybody off a bit. They usually appear between 2 and 4 pm and are greatly appreciated.

People sure have a misconception of the desert. Many think it is barren, people do not have grass or flowers. Well, duh, obviously we do. And we aren't the only ones.

The desert here is incredibly fertile and plenty. There are extreme seasons to deal with, weather that can be unforgiving, but there are incredible sunsets, sunrises, and sprawling vistas. We are surrounded by mountains 360 degrees here, so we are privy to stunning views other cities pay premium for. We still have a sky full of twinkling stars at night, unobstructed by city lights. Our wildlife is abounding. There are still empty spaces of land readily available.

After all, gardening truly is what you put into it, not where you do it. That's the wonderful thing about gardening, a great deal of it is immediate results and the other teaches us good things are worth waiting for. "For those who sow a seed in sod, and wait for growth, believe in God."  

Editor's Note: This article is presented tongue-in-cheek...oops, pardon the pun...ok, just the bare facts...ooh, not good, um ok, it's an expose', well, a raw report...oh, I give up.
Well, I don't quite know how it happened but somehow I missed it...WNGD...World Naked Gardening Day was May 5 this year. And, I missed it.
Please appreciate the strategically placed watering can
The Eighth Annual World Naked Gardening Day was held on Saturday, May 5, 2012, this year.  People across the globe were encouraged to tend their portion of the world's garden unclothed as nature intended.
The official website of the WNGD states:"Why garden naked? First of all, it's fun! Second only to swimming, gardening is at the top of the list of family-friendly activities people are most ready to consider doing nude. Moreover, our culture needs to move toward a healthy sense of both body acceptance and our relation to the natural environment. Gardening naked is not only a simple joy, it reminds us--even if only for those few sunkissed minutes--that we can be honest with who we are as humans and as part of this planet."

Ahh, okay. If you say so. You kinda had me at sun-kissed.

They go on to say:"When you're out there with a gentle breeze on you, every last hair on your body feels it. You feel completely connected with the natural world in a way you just can't in clothes." Umm, okay.

Lastly, they add: "Gardening has a timeless quality, and anyone can do it: young and old, singles or groups, the fit and infirm, urban and rural. An elderly lady in a Manhattan apartment can plant new annuals in her window box. Families can rake leaves in their back yard. Freehikers can pull invasive weeds along their favorite stretch of trail. More daring groups can make rapid clothes-free sorties into public parks to do community-friendly stealth cleanups. Naked gardening is one of the few activities that many people can appreciate, even if they have never given such a thing a try before. If you've done it once, it's like just seems the coolest thing in the world to do."  Seriously? No.


One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!" "What's the problem, Eve?" "Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy." "Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above. "Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples." "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you." "What's a man, Lord?" "This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat, and be vain and glorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But...he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he's aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advice to think properly." "Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. "What's the catch, Lord?" "Well... you can have him on one condition." "What's that, Lord?" "As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring... So you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. Just remember, it's our little secret...You know, woman to woman."


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